When I moved off campus, I moved into an apartment with a gal a little older than I. She had a boyfriend and I sometimes dated one of his friends. We would double-date and drink a lot.
One night, Phoebe was out of town and I was home alone. There was a knock on the door and I looked out to see her boyfriend standing there. I opened the door, confused.
“Phoebe’s not here,” I said.
He pushed his way in.
We sat in the living room. He sat on the other side of the room and I will never forget the look of pure predation on his face. His body language was apparent: he was sitting in a chair pointing straight at me. I’m sorry my explanation doesn’t really cover how it was, but he was giving off a vibe and he was focussed on me.
He pulled out some weed and offered to get me high. I was like, okay. So we smoked a joint or a bowl or something.
He just kept sitting there. We didn’t have much to say to one another. I was bored, so I decided to try to get him to go. I decided I would declare that I had something to do, so he should go. I told him I needed to shower.
I got up and walked toward the front door to escort him out and he came for me. Now, this guy was 6’4″ and I was no match. I tried to fight him off me but I couldn’t. It became clear during this physical wrangling that I would not win this physical fight. I was not going to win. I had to give in or get very hurt trying to fight him off. And he would still win.
So I turned around and walked toward the back of the apartment. Instead of going left into my bedroom I turned right, into the bathroom. This surprised him. There was no way I was going to get on my bed for him. So I turned on the shower and undressed. I faced away from him because I didn’t want to see his ugly face. And I wanted it all to go down the drain.
He fucked me so hard the shower tiles broke off the wall.
We had to stop and he had the nerve to think we would finish up in my room.
When Phoebe returned I had to explain the broken shower. I don’t know why I tried to cover for him. I just said the tiles came off. She pressed me and I finally told her the truth. Of course she didn’t believe me and accused me of seducing her boyfriend.
She moved out, I was devastated and I buried that experience, too, for many, many years.
There is nothing quite like being physically overpowered by someone stronger than you.