I guess by now it’s obvious I was partying a lot. If I had known or remembered how well my mind covered up my first rape, I may not have felt the need to party so much. Following the trajectories of a girl’s behavior after an assault can reveal some obvious connections. When I examine my thoughts and feelings from that time I can see that I had resigned myself to not really having control over my own body. When even the wimpiest of men can take what they want due to being physically stronger, it puts a different spin on things.
My second rape was…stupid. I was asked out to party with a guy I didn’t know well and the purpose of the date was to party. I loved to party!
When he picked me up he asked me if I wanted to get high and I, of course, said yes.
He gave me a roofie.
He took me to a party and took me to an empty room. He laid me down on the carpeting and took my pants off and fucked me until I had a huge raw spot down my back. It was excruciating. It was so bad I had a raw spot and then a scab for a really long time. I felt really stupid and sad.